Black Friday Beauty Sales and Codeswitching

Confessions of a closeted beauty/skincare lover

This Friday, when I started seeing beauty influencers’ Black Friday shopping lists pop up on my Instagram feed, I felt sadness and envy. You may know me as product manager Bo or SVB Bo, but I am also a beauty/skincare lover. Many friends have asked me for product recommendations. I even serve as an ad hoc skincare consultant to many friends, founders, and VCs. And I, too, have wanted to curate a list of products I love for a long time. However, I hesitated because a small voice in the back of my mind told me that, as a woman in tech, writing about such a “frivolous topic” would impact my ability to be taken seriously. This inner critic's voice echoed a senior female exec who, out of goodwill, advised me to stop tweeting about beauty because it would undermine my credibility in tech as a writer, investor, and thought leader. She touched an  insecure nerve I had developed over the years of working in the male-dominated, left-brain, tech industry. My insecurity moved to irritation thinking about the  double standards of men who freely talk about sports with no negative impact on their professional credibility.

For years I hid my love for skincare and beauty products from people I worked with because I feared it would make me appear less serious. I felt the need to code-switch  and assimilate into these male dominated spaces in order to have a chance at succeeding. While I was a product manager I went a whole week without wearing makeup to prove to my engineer manager that I was serious enough for the job. I thought wearing company swag, hoodies, and joggers while leading a all-male engineering team would help win influence and power. I wore a black fleece vest to the final interview rounds for an Sandhill Road VC firm role in an attempt to show that I could fit into the all-white male investment team. The vest was my safety blanket. Deep down inside I felt that if I showed up as my true self they would not accept me. The shame and feeling like a fraud in these situations helped me realize that I had been self-sabotaging, and undermining my true self in order to fit into systems that weren’t designed for me.

The truth is, assimilating, code-switching, and suppressing parts of my true self were signs that I was in the wrong environment. We often become chameleons when we sense danger or social threats. Our brains are hardwired to pick up environmental social cues, especially from foreign assailants. Scanning for the tiger in the jungle has evolved to scanning for potential threats to your sense of belonging in the workplace.

This type of code-switching behavior runs deep. I was taught by my Chinese immigrant parents to assimilate in order to have a shot at the American dream. They asked me to choose an American name when I first immigrated. My Chinese name is “Bo” 铂, which means white gold. My parents asked me to pick an American first name like “Jenny” or “Jessica” before starting school. While I initially considered it, on the first day of Kindergarten, a classmate told me about Bo Jackson, famous for playing in both the NFL and MLB. In awe that I shared a name with this legend, I marched home telling my parents I would keep my given name because there was an American Bo out there.

While reading Cathy Park Hong’s book Minor Feelings, this passage jumped out and punched me in the gut:

“Asians lack presence. Asians take up apologetic space. We don’t even have enough presence to be considered real minorities. We’re not racial enough to be token. We’re so post-racial we’re silicon.”

Maybe my need to code-switch and assimilate comes from internalized racism and the patriarchy? Maybe I am afraid of talking about my love for beauty because it requires me to take up space in hyper-masculine environments? Maybe I’m afraid of being my true self because I know I will be rejected?

As I scrolled through all the beauty blogger’s Black Friday sale lists, I felt shame. I wish I could talk about beauty without feeling hindered. I want to show up as the fullest version of Bo. Yet there is so much inner tension. I contain multitudes. I am a multipotentialite who can write and talk about responsible AI, deep tech, venture capital, product management, liberal arts thinking, Asian American identity, AND, yes, skincare. The more I conform and give up parts of myself to be accepted in white spaces, male-dominated industries, and other estranging environments, the more diluted I become until there is none left.

So today I am going to share with you my Black Friday Sale recommendations and favorite products. Like Logan Roy clearing a room, I’ll say “fuck off” to the inner critic and embrace my beauty guru. 

Bo’s Black Friday Beauty Deals:

1. Aestera Atobarrier 365 Cream Mist:

   

   Cream mist that helps with skin barrier repair. It helped me recover from a bad prescription retinol accident.

   2. Matter of Fact Vitamin C

      

      Cheaper and more shelf-stable alternative to the Skinceuticals CE Ferulic Serum

   3. Forest Pick Moisturizing Cream

      

      Lightweight hydrating cream with great ingredients

   4. Dieux Deliverance Serum

      

      Hydrating CBD serum by my friend Charlotte Palermino

5. Allies of Skin Molecular Silk Amino Cleanser

   

   Most buttery and emollient cleanser texture — truly luxe

6. Isntree Hylauronic Acid Watery Sun Gel (SPF)

   

   Best spf I have tried with advanced sun filters from Korea. Blends seamlessly into your face and doubles as a moisturizer during the summer.